Destiny-land

2008-06-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

On "Lost," Michael Emerson plays Ben, the creepy leader of "The Others," a cultish community on the far side of the island. But I just found that he played a minister in The Laramie Project. Remind me never to go to that church...

2008-06-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

Remember: there's only 32 more episodes left of Lost.

2008-04-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

"Goodbye, Columbus" was a 1969 movie based on the novella by Philip Roth. But today I made an interesting discovery on the web — the secret original lyrics for its theme song!

The soundtrack's liner notes contain an interesting clue. A rejected first version of the song was later included on their next album — but with its title changed to "Goodbye, Forever!"

"The lyrics are about what was going on in the movie," admits Jim Yester, the band's vocalist. "...if you listen to the lyrics, it's about the relationship between Richard Benjamin and Ali MacGraw."

Needless to say, this piqued my curiosity, so I tracked down the secret original lyrics on the web. They've been transcribed by exactly no one — but they're hidden on the band's own web page. They'd apparently used white letters on a white background — but unfortunately, even that web page has also vanished from the web.

But Google saved a copy in their cache.



Not just another pretty face, but more than naked.
Not just another stupid race where no one makes it.
She laid more that her reputation on the line, and tried to fake it.
He walked in and begged for less in time, and he couldn't take it

Goodbye forever, goodbye forever, goodbye.

Who paints the pictures for the golden daughter's blind eyes?
Who makes the snow fall for the aging father's white lies?
She laid more that her reputation on the line, and tried to fake it.
He walked in and begged for less in time, and couldn't take it.

Goodbye forever, goodbye forever, goodbye.
Goodbye forever. Goodbye forever. Goodbye...

Even then, there was one final mystery. The Association's web site had deleted the song's most suggestive lyric, its second-to-last line. It could be an innocent mis-transcription — or a cover-up of their harsh assessment of Ali McGraw's character.

There was only one thing to do. I tracked down my own vinyl copy of the album, and located its eleventh track. Click here to listen to the forbidden lyric! And here it is, for the first time on the internet...


Not just another pretty bottom, but a genuine blue movie.
Not just another pretty bottom, but a genuine cheap groovy.

2008-03-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

In alt.gathering.rainbow, one hipster pauses to remember The Lawrence Welk Show.

Maybe it's because Life has gotten a little insane lately (o.k. A LOT insane), but I actually felt the tender pang of nostalgia while watching these clips. I even felt warm and fuzzy during "Hey Jude"
Pass the Geritol ....

2008-03-02T10:13:00.000-08:00

Things I learned today:

"Bye-bye" is spelled with a hyphen.

So if you're ever transcribing what a stewardess says...

2008-03-01T13:22:00.000-08:00

And now, a short speech from William Faulkner's The Town (as delivered by Eula Varner Snopes).

"If you are a man, you can lie unconscious in the gutter bleeding and with most of your teeth knocked out and somebody can come and take your pocketbook and you can wake up and wash the blood off and it's all right; you can always get some more teeth and even another pocketbook sooner or later. But you can't stand meekly with your head bowed and no blood and all your teeth too while somebody takes your pocketbook because even though you might face the friends who love you afterward you can never face the strangers that never heard of you before."

Eula also appears in William Faulkner's The Hamlet

2008-02-28T21:16:00.000-08:00

The Onion weighs in on Super Bowl XLII.

The New England Patriots' season was perfect...but only for people who wanted to see them lose in the biggest possible way.

2008-02-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

Today's great moment in recent comic book dialogue comes from The Amazing Spider-Man, #550.

The Blue Shield: Stand down! I'm authorized to use force!
Spider-Man: The Blue Shield, right? It's good to see you. My health insurance premiums have been out of control lately...

2008-02-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

ABC created a new web page for Lost fans. It tells you what Sawyer's nickname would be for you.

I came out as "Sugarpop."

2008-02-08T13:40:00.000-08:00

Boy, isn't Lost great this season?

And while we're at it, here's an interesting review of Lost's third season.

2008-01-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

There's some surprisingly poignant tips in this article on creative ways to ask for a date.

In high school I idolized a senior who gave me some great advice. "Don't use the word date." It adds pressure and awkwardness - for both the person asking and the person being asked!

And it ultimately concludes that all dating tips are really just a substitute for good old-fashioned self confidence.

A lot of "tricks" for asking for a date succeed not because of the trick itself, but because it gives you the confidence to ask for the date in the first place!
Armed with a plan, you're ready to give the conversation your best shot - and someday you'll realize that it's you, yourself, which is your best argument for a chance to get to know each other.

2007-05-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

I know why Ben's afraid. The people on the boat are affiliated with the original Dharma project -- all the people that Ben helped kill. And the last thing he wants is for them to catch up to him.

Maybe the reason Ben is obsessed with pregnancy research is he wants to spawn a new generation of people to guard the island -- without leaving it.

I've been pondering this new set of bad people -- the other Others -- who apparently have the power to create a fake plane crash to stop people looking for survivors.

My first thought was Ben's group also has a lot of power -- submarines, underwater radio jamming stations, and the power to gather information about all the plane crash victims. But maybe they inherited that technology from the previous Dharma group on the Island. And all Ben's group really has going for them is being very very devious -- but in low-tech ways like sending Nathan to infiltrate the crash survivor's beach camp.

We'll see.

2007-05-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

Here's four quotes from Lost I jotted down as being especially memorable.

Ben:"Perhaps I overreacted." (So that's why he tried to have Carl brainwashed...)
Rousseau's first words to her daughter: "Help me tie him up." (That seemed weird at first -- but after everything Alex has been through, that may have been exactly the right thing to say.)
Sawyer:"That's for taking the kid off the raft." (That's how Season 1 ended. I think Sawyer even warned Tom in Season 2 that "This ain't over." Maybe the writers wanted to start making up for all the bad things they've thrown at the characters since Season 1.)
Hurley with the van -- I know that's not really a quote. But that was a wonderful moment! If they ever have a retrospective of great Lost moments, that will definitely be in there!

2007-05-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here's my prediction about Lost. The last episode will involve them realizing that they have to "do it over again" to get it right. And the last shot is.... Jack opening his eye on the beach again after the original plane crash from Season One.

When the series is shown in re-runs, they could subtly alter the syndicated version to imply it's a new, second time through the same events. (Or release a special DVD box edition where the deleted scenes are part of this second continuum...!)

2007-05-24T21:39:00.001-07:00

Of course I watched the season finale of Lost. I came up with my own set of questions....

Who's funeral was it where nobody came?
Is eyepatch Mikahil re-living multiple lives -- like Desmond?
Who's waiting for Kate? Is it Sawyer -- or is she conning a new husband?
Who are these bad people on the boat. The other others?
Why exactly was the Pearl Station receiving video transmissions from Penny?

I think the boat people want the power of the island. They created a fake plane crash so no one would look for the survivors. That's why Ben wanted Mikhail to nab Naomi's radio -- and maybe why Ben told everyone the Pearl station was flooded. We've got a while until we find out. There won't be a new episode until February of 2008.

Oh, and Charlie really should've put on the diving gear before messing with the button under the yellow blinking light.

2007-05-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

I love lists. They're intense, they're simple, and they share the best of the best. At our webzine 10 Zen Monkeys, we've run several lists collecting the "top five" video clips. Here are five of my favorites.

Top Five Muppet Videos. "Star Wars Muppets" featured Miss Piggy and Gonzo mingling with the real R2D2, Luke Skywalker, and Chewbacca. Also included: Elmo singing a surprisingly good version of "Slide" with the Goo-Goo Dolls.
I got to watch a lot of muppet clips while pulling this together. It made me realize that Jim Henson had an amazing career -- and, that there are lots of people who love the muppets!
Top 5 Sexiest Apple Videos. People are passionate about Apple computers. Apparently, they sometimes express that passion with a sexy online video. Can you really combine these two impulses in a single visual medium? To explore the answer to that question, we created this list of the 5 Sexiest Apple Videos. (My favorite is the guy iChatting with four sexy women at the same time!)
Top 5 'Animal vs. Reporter' Videos. It's an age-old struggle: the authoritative versus the primitive. And in these videos, the primitive wins every time. Pay special attention to that worker at the animal shelter who's trying to get you to adopt Pinky the Cat. He's about to learn that Pinky the Cat really hates being on a leash -- and when the claws come out, he's in for a very nasty surprise.
5 Lamest Charlie Brown cartoons. I love Charlie Brown -- but his gentle sincerity sometimes led him in strange directions. Like the time Snoopy became the disco-dancing "Flashbeagle." Or the time Linus visited battlefields from World War II. Or the time Charlie Brown appeared in a brochure for Metropolitan insurance called "Surviving the Loss of a Loved One."
This is another collection that makes you recognize an amazing career. As a young man Charles M. Schulz served in World War II -- and thirty years later, he was able to tapped his experiences for an animated cartoon.
The 5 Faces of Bush. The media tells secret stories. That's not a conspiracy theory; it's a conclusion we reached after reviewing photos selected for their articles about George Bush.
Blogger Josh Marshall first noticed the pattern, and wondered if news editors were signalling a change in tone -- and possible changes to come. As Bush's team presented pessimistic findings from the Iraq Study Group, a series of photographs were taken. But were they cropped in different ways, making Bush look even more worried, even more nervous, or disturbingly un-serious?

George Bush doesn't have anything in common with Charlie Brown or the Muppets -- except this: They all showed us how fun it was to pull together our own Top 5 lists!

2006-09-29T09:11:00.000-07:00

And even if you've never heard of Michael Crook, you'll be surprised what he's up to now...

2006-09-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

Jim Gerlach isn't going to like this! :)

2005-10-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Lost - my theory about what's happening on the island.

That 70s commune experiment released some kind of virus onto the island that makes people strong and aggressive.
The people who crashed on the other side of the island became violent and killed each other. That's why the survivors are so paranoid about Sawyer, Jin and Michael.
That's why Danielle said "Watch your people closely."
Ethan and "The Others" are actually some leftover from that 70s reserach team. They want Walt (or Danielle's baby) because a young body would be infection-free, and would offer some biotherapeutic research benefit.
The monster (and shark) were devices to keep people away from the infected areas. (Which is also why it says quarantine on the inside of the hatch door.)

2005-06-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

On May 29, TV Guide offered their "SNEAK PEEK of Next Season" for the TV show Lost.

Season 2 Secret No. 3 Expect to some new faces.
Dr. Arzt (Daniel Roebuck), the high school physics teacher and resident explosives expert who first appeared in the May 11 episode, will be back.

Boy, I'd like to see how they pull that off!

2005-05-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

One last theory on Lost.

I've heard the show's producers told the press they were going to introduce a new character at the end of the first season - and that he would be a major part of the second season.

Arzt.

We all know how that came out. Artz was a red herring. (Or maybe a red shirt.) Not twenty minutes into the season finale, he had an unfortunate encounter with a stick of dynamite. ("This is messed up," says Hurley.)

Here's why I think that's important. In the season finale Sun asks "Are we being punished for what we've done?" Other have already suggested that theory - that the island is some kind of after-life limbo where past sins are confronted. On a primetime special, the show's producers were specifically asked: are the castaways in Purgatory?

No, the producers answered.

And Arzt is going to be a major character....

Interestingly, in an earlier episode Boone gave a whole speech about the red shirts on Star Trek...

2005-05-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Craig's List is a terrible place to look for a job.

Every job listing gets hundreds of responses - so your odds of even hearing back are almost zero.

And the few employers I've actually made contact with through Craig's List all turned out to be these small-department fiefdoms where the person doing the hiring had no understanding of the hiring process.

Basically, they're the kind of flakes who do their hiring through Craig's List.

2005-05-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

Good Morning America showed a scene Thursday that was cut from the season finale of Lost.

(Danielle is seen sucking the yolk out of an egg. Charlie and Claire watch her from down the beach.)

CHARLIE: She's a nutter. A couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. She tried to blow my head off in the bloody jungle with no reason whatsoever. She hears whispers. That doesn't mean anything, Claire. Whispers.

CLAIRE: When Ethan took me - however I got away - I knew they'd be back.

CHARLIE: Is that why you've not named the baby?

That explains why Claire later named the baby as soon as she realized Charlie was going to rescue it.

I still think they're in purgatory.

Maybe the hatch's ladder just leads down, down, forever.

2005-05-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

Is the answer to the mystery of Lost....ghosts?

How else to explain the weird black cloud after Jack threw dynamite down the monster's hole?

And that strange animated special effect when Jack looked out into the jungle. And where else could "the others" have come from? If they're just aging castaways - won't that be kind of a let-down?

2005-05-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to guess the secret of Lost. Is there a pattern to why all the characters were drawn to the island?

One theory: They've all been around dead people.

Jack in the operating room
Sawyer and his father
Boone ("Teresa falls down the stairs")
Sayid in the war
Hurley's grandfather
Walt's mother
Kate and her lover

And the others did seriously bad things.

Jin and his extortion
Charlie betraying his lover
Shannon and her embezzlement

I don't have any explanation for Claire, Locke, or Boone. But maybe the island attracts, not the guilty, but the evil. Like drug-runners dressed as priests. Or the crew of that slave ship. Hence, "the dark territory."

Wherever "the others" came from, they were certainly evil enough to steal Danielle's baby and kidnap Michael's son...

Some people are floating the theory that the island is purgatory. Sun even said in tonight's episode: Do you think we are being punished. I've heard that the creators of the show denied that explanation as too simple. But maybe they were trying to throw everyone off the track...

2005-05-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

I did a search on the old email address, destiny@cloud9.net.

Here's the other match for destiny@cloud9.net...

2005-05-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

Boy, those guys are SEO, Inc sure are jerks.

2005-04-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

I tried researching Anna Ayala, the woman who recently sued Wendy's for contaminating her chili.

I learned that it's a fairly common name. It belongs to a drunk-driver in New York, a psychology student in Utah, a celebrity's caretaker in Los Angeles, and, ironically, a soup kitchen assistant.

Also, in San Bernadino an Anna Ayala is the parent of a volleyball player, and in Texas she's offering moral support to - er, some guy with a blog.
The soup kitchen assistant met Hillary Clinton .

2004-06-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

The Democratic National Convention.

2004-03-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

Nigritude Ultramarine.

2004-03-24T19:41:00.000-08:00

"The equipment in ventriloquist dummies is alot like the prototype of the artificial heart I designed."

That's the gist of just one amazing facet in the life of ventriloquist Paul Winchell -- who, yes, designed the first prototype for an artificial heart.

He was also the voice of Tigger.

2004-03-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

The author of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is threatening a blogger.

Why? Because the blogger questioned the legitimacy of the author's PhD -- which does appear to have come from a non-accredited college in California in the early 80s.

I wonder what planet his lawyer is from?

2004-03-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

Disney consumer products have discontinued a 700-pound statue of Mickey Mouse dressed as Janet Jackson. (Click the link for a picture...)

Wait a minute -- Mickey Mouse is a cross-dresser?!

2004-02-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

"And you folks were worried about terrorists. Meet the real enemy: Janet's Boob."

Sunday 140 million viewers watched as Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's breast plate. These photos capture the Super Bowl-shocker as the two singers performed their MTV-produced half-time show. And the world press was quick to react...

"Oooops! Janet Jackson flashes 140 million!" --WorldNet Daily
"Janet hangs out with Justin"--Sydney Herald
"Sorry for the boob, says CBS." --Sydney Herald
"Oh you nasty boy! Janet Jackson glares at Justin Timberlake..." --(Sports Illustrated photo caption)

2004-01-13T21:23:00.000-08:00

Al Franken will host a live, 3-hour radio show.

He told reporters he'll call Rush Limbaugh and ask him for advice.

"I'm interested in doing what I can to affect this election," Franken said. "I've been thinking about what's the best use of my energies — I hope this is it."

2004-01-13T05:21:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen...

Bobby Badfingers!

Thanks to Mat for the link.

2004-01-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

A political blogger is bashing President Bush's plans for the space program. Then he pauses, fondly remembering childhood-favorite TV shows set in outer space.

The memories are lovingly documented with pictures, and then a link to mp3s of the Space: 1999 theme. (Including one by Ennio Morricone!)

He points out that on Space: 1999, stored nuclear materials blasted the moon -- and its moon colony -- out of orbit.

2004-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

The war in Iraq was a conquest for oil "dressed up as a crusade for Western life and liberty..." by "a clique of war-hungry Judeo-Christian geopolitical fantasists who hijacked the media and exploited America's post-9/11 psychopathy."

Wait -- that's just a character in John Le Carre's new spy novel, "Absolute Friends." The New York Times runs through the highlights of Europe's perrenial criticism of America.

2004-01-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

There's The Matrix -- and then there's...

The Meatrix.

My friend Mike found this on Cal Pundit.

2004-01-10T13:02:00.000-08:00

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

Inspirational words from a web site called Punx for Dean.

The quote is usually attributed to: Mohandis K. Gandhi.

Link borrowed from Mat's "sidebar blog," LinkyDink.

2004-01-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

The long-awaited answers to my 2003 movie quiz....

Paycheck
Ben Affleck, talking to the treacherous clone of his girlfriend.

American Splendor
Young Harvey Pekar, trick-or-treating as himself at the beginning....

Charlie's Angels II
Cameron Diaz, taunting Demi Moore at gunpoint, as Lucy Lui and Drew Barrymore come to save her.

Shattered Glass
The New Republic's editor, realizing he's been snowed by Stephen Glass.

Matrix III
Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) begins the final showdown with Neo (Keanu Reeves).

2004-01-02T10:42:00.000-08:00

Time for Destiny-land's Year in Review. All these quotes are from movies I saw in 2003. Can you identify the movies?

"What's my favorite baseball team?"
"Who cares?"

*
"I ain't no superhero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood."
*

"I have something that you'll never have."
"What's that?"
"Friends."
*
"He handed us fiction after fiction. And we printed it as fact. Because we found him entertaining. That is indefensible."
*
"Mr. Anderson. Welcome back. We've missed you."
"It ends tonight."

2004-01-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

On New Year's Day at the local multi-screen cinePlex, their loudspeakers were playing...

The First Noel.

On January 1?

Shouldn't that be the last Noel?

2003-12-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

"Man, this music sucks."

Watching Mystic River, I was appalled by the music. Pointless single notes on a synthesizer. Or, worse -- a synthesizer and oboe!

Who did director Clint Eastwood owe a favor to, I'm thinking to myself? And then in the closing credits, I see the answer.

Music by....
Clint Eastwood.

Well, that explains it.

By the way, I left hating the movie, too -- specifically because of its ending. It's ambiguity left me wondering if this was another run through Clint Eastwood's whole "Sometimes murder is okay" theme.

2003-12-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

I love the kittens playing punk rock video. Now their creator has a new music video -- two monkeys singing "I bought the wrong bananas."

Apparently he's got his own TV show on Britain's Channel Four now. Other experimental works include some techno Nazi kittens and a pair of hedgehogs singing acapella a song of cryptic anatomical vulgarities

2003-12-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

"...wouldn't be nobody git up an' feed the chickens! Hee-hee... ever'body jest lay in bed! Jest lay in bed till they ready to git up! Sho', you take a man high on good gage, he got no use for they ole bull-crap, 'cause he done see right through there. Shoot, he lookin' right down into his ver' soul!"
"I ain't never heard nobody talk so dang crazy, C.K."
"Well, you young, boy -- you goin' hear plenty crazy talk 'fore you is a growed man."

Terry Southern
Red-Dirt Marijuana and Other Tastes, 1967

2003-12-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

Michael Lund, world champion skier. He won the ballet freestyle competition in 1974.

Four years later, he disappeared, hiding from the federal government....

Wait, wait, I left out part of the story. The 37 tons of marijuana, worth $75 million, that he tried to ferry into the U.S. His personal 61-foot boat was to be the key link in a 9-person smuggling ring....

And then? Twenty-three years pass. He drifts to Santa Barbara, and then Wyoming. He has two children. He earns a pilot's license. He works at a motel....

And then two years ago there was a child support dispute. When he's fingerprinted in court, he's arrested for the 1978 crime. Balding, graying, nearsighted, he faces up to 15 years in prison.

Instead, the judge sentences him to three. He'll be released sometime in 2004...

2003-12-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

Grown-up men sing -- very slowly -- in a famous Christmas recording session. Their voices were later speeded up to produce the sound of the Chipmunks' singing "The Chipmunk Song."

It's like travelling back in time to 1958. Are you ready to sing your song?

"I'll say we are!"
"Yeah! Let's sing it now!"
"Ooooo-kay..."

I found the link on Waxy.org. (Sidebar.) But the best part is peoples' comments after hearing the song. ...

"apparently Theodore is voiced by Duff Man."

"I think I heard the Devil whispering in that song..."

2003-12-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

See how the previous post would look on TypePad.com's site.

2003-12-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

Where do you find half-baked ideas? Half bakery.com.

The best part is the rabid debate over each idea's practicality. Feeling geeky tonight? Read one geek's plan to manage a corporate network using a computer game like Quake.

2003-12-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

Digital artist Jon Haddock has created a disturbing series of cartoons...

Replicating the style of 1930s cartoons, he's re-created recognizable real-life acts of violence...

2003-12-13T12:54:00.000-08:00

"I would like to introduce the next President of the United States," Mrs. Lieberman said. "But unfortunately, Howard Dean is in Iowa today."

The Borowitz Report comes from a planet where absolutely no one will endorse Joseph Lieberman...

2003-12-09T17:57:00.000-08:00

JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley recorded an album called So Much To Say. The photographs on the album are gorgeous.

There's just one problem. The album doesn't exist. The URL is "CDFantasy." Which somehow makes this fake review that much more poignant.

Again the name of that album was...

So Much To Say...

2003-12-08T21:02:00.000-08:00

JenniCam. A woman web-casting her life to online strangers.

But no more. JenniCam will close on New Year's Eve - after seven years. It's been a wild ride. In 2000, as fellow web-cam operator Courtney gushed about her plans for a lavish wedding, Jenni's webcam was broadcasting her sex with Courtney's fiance.

It's probably unfair to say when a web-cam "jumped the shark," but the incident alienated many fans in alt.fan.jennicam. Three years later, they picked over news of her site's demise.

For me, Jennicam was over the minute she moved to California. She managed to get just enough money to get started on being the happy sappy homemaker and settle down in suburbian hell....
Jennifer Ringley is now anonymous like most of us... I suspect we shall never hear of her again, which is probably all for the better for everyone.

But the most tantalizing thing about JenniCam was always the possibilities it raised. "I'd like to have maintained the surveillance for the rest of her life..." one fan mused to the Washington Post, "as a sociological experiment and a life-narrative art project."

2003-12-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

Did you know Ray Charles recorded a Christmas album? I just bought a vinyl copy tonight...

...for a dollar.

2003-12-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

"By the time I'm through with this whole thing," Arnold Schwarzenegger told voters in October, "I will not be known as the Terminator. I will be known as...

"The Collectinator."

"That's so embarrasing," complained one Santa Barbara resident. "Now I have to move to a different state."

Oh, and by the way, under his plan, California would lose $850 million in federal matching funds for MediCal, Healthy Families, CalWorks, and food stamps.

2003-11-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

Grandpa orders a turkey online from ChevronSanto in this hip satirical comic from Electric Sheep.

2003-11-26T17:42:00.000-08:00

Heard on the net:

"I wonder how much they have to pay the girls in the phone commercials to act interested in CarrotTop.
"I imagine a hefty load."

2003-11-24T21:12:00.000-08:00

Defective Yeti has collected some of the worst lines from reviews of The Cat in the Hat. I especially liked this one...

"They may as well have skipped the hassle of securing licensing rights and simply called this mess Mike Myers: Asshole in Fur."

2003-11-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

In April of 2002, the Simpsons TV show was criticized by the tourism board of Rio -- over an episode where the cartoon family goes to Brazil. "What really hurt was the idea of the monkeys," a tourism spokesman complained. Wild jungle simians attack a hapless orphan boy twice during the episode....

The Simpsons' executive producer apologized "to the lovely city and people of Rio de Janeiro" at the time, and added "if that doesn't settle the issue, Homer Simpson offers to take on the President of Brazil on Fox Celebrity Boxing."

So a year later, on tonight's episode, the family debates which exotic city to visit next on vacation. "I'd like to return to Brazil," Homer says....

"But I hear the monkey problem is even worse now."

2003-11-22T07:24:00.000-08:00

"Rock the Vote" challenged Democratic presidential candidates to create campaign ads aimed at young voters. Some of these techno/hip-hop montages really jam.

Howard Dean
Dennis Kucinich
Joe Lieberman (surprisingly hip!)

Other candidates chose a straight pitch to the voters -- though Wesley Clark's had a surprise.

Wesley Clark
John Edwards
Carol Mosley Braun
Al Sharpton ("Walking the talk")
John Kerry

2003-11-21T13:31:00.000-08:00

Stephen Glass made up the articles he reported at The New Republic. Five years later he's published an autobiographical novel, presumably to cash in on his notoriety and the new movie Shattered Glass.

Unfortunately, Amazon's readers hated it.

"This is one of the worst books I ever read... [U]ninteresting... pretentious, self-gloating... annoying, unpleasant... a waste of pages."
"It reminds me of a script from an afterschool special about the importance of telling the truth."
"The narrator is a sniviling weasel... This novel is just another scam."

2003-11-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

"There's nothing more surreal than to have Courtney Love pounding on your door at 2:30 in the morning...
...when you've never met the woman before."

But that's what happened to Linda Perry. She also got a call from Pink, which changed her life, transforming Linda's career from performer to producer.

Now she's fielding calls from Christina Aguilera -- writing the song "Beautiful Girls" -- and No Doubt's Gwen Stefani. ("Gwen's just fun.") Perry describes the feeling of hearing her own songs being played on the radio.

"What a life. What a gift. What a wonderful thing."

2003-11-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

Over at Largehearted Boy, they're discussing holiday music suggestions. I suggested the notorious Bonanza Christmas album!

Today I was pleased to see it published on the main blog along with my other picks for albums by the Ventures, the Rat Pack, and Cyndi Lauper...

2003-11-14T18:37:00.000-08:00

Dalton: There, it's okay. Your computer had just slipped into sleep mode.

Mr. Weatherbee: Apparently, it's not the ONLY thing!

It's jarring when even Archie, the teenaged comic strip character, is making jokes about computer geeks. (Or in this case, Mr. Weatherbee, mocking lazy Jughead for being asleep at the keyboard!)

That exchange is on the cover of Jughead's Double Digest this month -- and inside there's a story where Archie discovers virtual reality.

"Dalton, can I make this avator of mine take off his helmet?
"I want to smooch the girls."

2003-11-12T23:11:00.000-08:00

Ironically, in Shattered Glass they hail Forbes Digital Tool for uncovering deception, saying this news story could establish the legitimacy of online media. Forbes Digital Tool is "now defunct," according to a web site about the career of the real Stephen Glass.

But search the web long enough, and you'll still find a complete copy of Stephen Glass's notorious article, Hack Heaven.

2003-11-12T22:56:00.000-08:00

"I didn't do anything wrong."
"I really wish you'd stop saying that."

So last night I saw the movie Shattered Glass. (Which is based on a true story.) The whole movie can be summed up with this single line of dialogue from the end. (SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!!!)

"He handed us fiction after fiction. And we printed it as fact.
"Because we found him entertaining.
"That is indefensible."

2003-11-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

What's the verdict for the final Matrix movie? Some excellent thoughts from my friend Lego-Man...

I HATED all Kiobe's references to the game "Enter the Matrix" and wished they would have stopped the film at some point, said "Buy the new exciting Matrix game" and gotten it over with!

The fight in the Docking Bay was not that good, and I wondered why the machines seemed to be taking their sweet time to kill everyone.

The final fight scene with Smith was poorly done (fighting in the rain making it hard to see their moves, everyone flying around....why can Smith fly now when he couldn't in Movie 2?)

Let's talk about the true evil machines...the big money machine this film franchise has become.

2003-11-08T22:51:00.000-08:00

Roger Ebert's brilliant observation about Matrix: Revolutions.

It's a rich irony that the story is about humans occupying a world generated by computers, and the movie consists of actors occupying a world also created by computers.
Neo may or may not exist in a universe created by computers, but Keanu Reeves certainly does.

2003-11-08T17:37:00.000-08:00

This beauty pageant contestant is commiting a crime.

Walking down the runway in a red bikini, 23-year-old Vida Samadzai violated the Islam-based laws of her native country Afghanistan.

2003-11-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

Crazy. Someone's writing their PhD dissertation on Sex and the City.

Specifically, "The resurgence of the romance narrative in films and television of the 1980s and 1990s."

2003-11-07T04:58:00.000-08:00

At least three movie stars have appeared in two movies on the BBC's list of the worst films ever.

Tom Cruise

Uma Thurman

Sean Connery

2003-11-07T04:57:00.000-08:00

What's the worst film of all time?

BBC 1 has compiled a list of the ten worst films ever -- based on votes by viewers of their "Film 2003" show. And according to them, the worst film ever is: Titanic.

"May I commend the nation on its choice," says the show's host, Jonathan Ross.

"It sank. There. I've saved you three hours of your life," one voter commented.

Here's the complete list.

Titanic
A.I.
Pearl Harbor
Vanilla Sky
The Blair Witch Project
Batman and Robin
The Avengers
Battlefield Earth
Eyes Wide Shut
Highlander 2: The Quickening

2003-11-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

"His last words to me were 'Hasta la vista, baby!'
"He would say anything, he didn't care how silly it was, just to make us laugh..."

Tonight's hour-long episode of 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter showed the family dealing with the death of the character played by John Ritter.

The writers included all the little moments of grieving -- the funeral, anger, remorse, acceptance -- while trying to preserve the show's gentle family tone.

James Garner and Suzanne Pleshette were brought in to play Katey Segal's parents, and there were jokes, but without a laugh-track. Given the unusual circumstances, this episode will probably go down in TV history.

2003-11-04T17:59:00.000-08:00

A naked porn star, the California flag, and lieutenant-governor Cruz Bustamante.

No, wait, its Ron Jeremy - another porn star -- appearing in the X-rated biography of Mary "Marey Carey" Cook, who ran for Governor in California's historic recall election.

The film is called "Run, Mary, Run."

2003-11-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

Also on Fox Sunday night: David Cassidy played a Las Vegas headliner on Malcolm in the Middle.

His character opens his act singing Pink's "Get this Party Started" -- then moves into Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach." ("She's keepin' my baby").

"We're keepin' his baby," the chorus of showgirls sings.

As the show ends, Malcolm tries to forget that his mother slipped backstage to the lounge lizard's dressing room. Which is hard to do, as the mother insists on listening to a tape of the David Cassidy character covering a Bad Company song.

Feel like makin' love
Feel like makin' love
Feel like makin' love to you

2003-11-02T22:37:00.000-08:00

Marge:Thanks for not killing me. Here's an extra pork chop.

Homer:I'll have to not kill you every week!

So I watched The Simpsons' Halloween episode tonight -- Treehouse of Horror #XIV.

In addition to the one where Homer becomes the Grim Reaper, they also did a variation on Frankenstein. The crazed geek scientist, Professor Frink, resurrects his father in one last bid to get his approval. And the voice of this nutty professor's father was provided by......

Jerry Lewis.

2003-11-01T15:18:00.001-08:00

Another Usenet poster resurrects a lost bit of trivia.

There's a story that the Peanuts Halloween special, "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" was originally titled "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown... Worship It Before It Destroys You!", a 90-minute TV movie full of gore, occultism, and macabre scenes wherein the entire cast gets killed off in a bloody mass-murder, and was edited and rewritten into what we know today after it bombed horribly.
I don't put much faith in THIS one...

2003-11-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

"I got a rock!

Ha ha ha! Poor Charlie Brown. House after house after -- huh? Network broadcasters have edited the Halloween special It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown -- so that Charlie Brown only gets one rock.

Other TV edits detected by fans...

Snoopy dancing to Schroeder's piano music.
The opening scene where Lucy holds the football and Charlie Brown runs up to kick it. (Now we'll never know if he kicked it...)

Of course, the special still ends with Charlie Brown complaining that "all I got was a bag full of rocks."

When the special originally aired, "children all over the country sent candy to Charlie Brown out of sympathy."

2003-10-31T22:04:00.000-08:00

Some interesting people have joined the cast of Boston Public.

Dennis Miller plays a smarmy math teacher whose story problems involve pimps and crack whores.

And Sherilyn Fenn plays vice-principal Gruber's love interest. She's best known for her role as the teen temptress Audrey on Twin Peaks -- where she tied a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue.

2003-10-26T12:26:00.000-08:00

I guess it's the first time there's been 450 naked women at Grand Central Station.

"I wanted to bring the most beautiful people into the most beautiful building," says the conceptual artist who arranged the photograph.

Elsewhere on the web, the webmaster at Naked Protesters.com has taken it upon himself to create an ongoing chronicle of public service-minded nudity.

I've liked this picture ever since I first saw it on Erosblog. The Yahoo news story where it originally appeared is long gone, so the cause in which this lady got nude is forgotten, but what we have here is a female naked protester getting arrested and hauled away by a matched set of five uniformed policewomen....

[Emphasis mine.]

2003-10-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

"Close... It was a WHITE suit at the Oscars. "

Andy corrects my memory of Elliot Smith singing "Miss Misery" on the Academy Awards.

2003-10-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

Re-Run from What's Happening died Tuesday. E! Online gives an excellent summary of his career. Before the 70s sitcom he'd been one of the first break dancers. After the sitcom he beat a drug and alcohol problem -- and became a Baptist minister.

He also worked for an amazing phone service called "Hollywood is Calling." Pay $20, and your friend gets a 30-second phone call from the second-tier celebrity of your choice - people like Lou Ferrigno, Kato Kaelin, Cindy Margolis, or Horshack from "Welcome Back, Kotter."

All the action's in the right-margin at Waxy.org. Thanks to Andy in L.A. for the link!

2003-10-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

Notable TV programs, Reconsidered.

McSweeney's thoughtful alternate interpretations of classics like M*A*S*H, The Dukes of Hazzard, and Murder She Wrote.

2003-10-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

Just this morning driving in to work, I was singing a song, imagining I was wow-ing the crowd at Open Mike night.

I'm in love
with the world
through the eyes
of a girl
who's still around
the morning after....

When I got in to work, I learned the song writer killed himself last night. Elliot Smith wrote that song for the Good Will Hunting soundtrack, along with "Miss Misery," which was nominated for an Oscar.

Forty million people watched as he stood by himself to sing it, accompanied only by his guitar...

And dressed entirely in black.

2003-10-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Roger Ebert is getting wistful. He wrote a whole essay about leaf-blowers, and adds...

...grandparents can remember when leaves were burned in the street. Their aroma on a crisp autumn night made you feel happy and sad and lonely and in a hurry to get home to dinner.

You can see that same melancholy thoughtfulness when he reviews the new version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Do yourself a favor. There are a lot of good movies playing right now that can make you feel a little happier, smarter, sexier, funnier, more excited -- or more scared, if that's what you want. This is not one of them. Don't let it kill 98 minutes of your life.

2003-10-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

That all-girl Japanese punk band in Kill Bill was the 5, 6, 7, 8's. They play raw rock-a-billy songs like "Bomb the Twist" and "Cat Fight Run" -- and they've been recording for the last 16 years!

Hear them now! Click the vinyl-LP icons on their discography page!

Their chaotic sound gave Quentin Tarantino the perfect band playing in the nightclub while the vengeful killer approaches crime lords in the back. The band sings "I Walk Like Jayne Mansfield" and "Woo-Hoo." Here are its lyrics...

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Woo-hoo, woo-hoo...
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!

[Drum solo]

On the official Kill Bill site, it says "Destiny had a hand in the casting of the band." [!] Apparently Tarantino heard one of their CDs playing in a clothing store. Since he didn't have time to go to a record store, he bought the CD from the store's clerk!

"If the clerk hadn't sold me the CD, they wouldn't be in the movie!"

2003-10-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

The song below is from Go Home Productions - which features an absolutely brilliant re-mix of Beatles songs. "Daytrip to Never Never land" is the single from this larger 15-minute track.

The ascending guitar riff from "Day Tripper" turns up under a Michael Jackson vocal. ("The way you make me feel / You knock me off my feet....") The larger song starts with Isaac Hayes' ominous theme from Shaft -- under the eerie Beatles lyrics from "Baby You're a Rich Man." ("You keep all your money in a big brown bag inside a zoo...")

I can't help feeling it's all a commentary on Michael Jackson's bizarre rich lifestyle -- and his ownership of the publishing rights to Beatles songs...

You've never heard "A Day in the Life" like this before. (I think the piano part is from "Karma Police.") The Beach Boys' "Sloop John B" also plays over the sad descending piano part from the Beatles song "For No One." Its French horns wail under the plaintive "I wanna go home," while the detached Captain's voice shouts, again, that everyone has all they need.

"Sky of blue, and sea of green...."

2003-10-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

"Sly Beyonce walks like a N.E.R.D."

It's the title of a new song that's a "mashup." Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" mixed seamlessly with the Bangles "Walk like an Egyptian" -- and Sly & the Family Stone's "Family Affair. And the Neptune's N.E.R.D. song "Run to the Sun."

It captures "the ambiance of an empty skate club," one reviewer wrote.

2003-10-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

Anonymous sperm donors are allowed to leave a message for their recipient. One donor left this word of wisdom...

"Invest in real estate--it's the best hedge against inflation."

A fertility clinic mentioned on that page also has a really cute name. It's called...

"Ova the Rainbow"

2003-10-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

EMG makes teenaged videogame testers play the notorious E.T. game from 1982...

Considered by some to be the worst video game of all-time, the game recently triggered a Snopes.com investigation into its legendary failure. "Atari produced five million E.T. cartridges, and according to Atari's then-president and CEO, 'nearly all of them came back'."

"Atari, stuck with millions of games and consoles that were largely unsellable at any price, sent fourteen truckloads of merchandise from their plant in El Paso, Texas, to be dumped in a city landfill in Alamogordo, New Mexico in late September 1983.

"In order to keep the site from being looted, steamrollers crushed and flattened the games, and a concrete slab was poured over the remains."

Thanks to Cardhouse.com for the link!

2003-10-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

A brilliant cultural expose from Electronic Gaming Monthly. Yes, the video game magazine... They sicced smart-allecky teenagers onto the most popular videogames of previous generations. No matter what the game, 25 years of change brought devastating put-downs and genuine bewilderment....

Pong. ("My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line.")
Donkey Kong. ("How can you die from a fall of a whopping 3 inches?")
Handheld football. ("I thought it was Run Away From the Dots.")

I admit I had a twinge of bittersweet nostalgia when they got around to Space Invaders. The teenagers' comment?

"I'm sure everyone who made this game is dead by now."

2003-10-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

The Chicago Cubs may have lost -- but Chicago Cubs Barbie is "a fashion grand slam!"

Her blonde hair "is pulled back below her hat so that it won't get in the way when she's flying around the bases!"

And she "drinks twenty beers consoling herself over the Cubs' blown pennant chances."

Okay, I made up that last quote. But follow the link. I dare you....

2003-10-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

Recalled governor Gray Davis read David Letterman's Top Ten list on Friday, giving his Top Ten Pieces of Advice for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

#10 was...

"When you realize you don't know what you're doing, give me a call."

2003-10-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

"I said, 'Let me get this -- you're the DEA and you aren't looking for pot? Well, what are you looking for?''"
"Glass pipes."

65-year-old Tommy Chong began a 9-month prison term Wednesday for violating an obscure federal law against the interstate sale of bongs.

2003-10-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

"[I]t wasn't until four years after I started training that I had any meaningful communication with a girl."

After everything we've learned about Arnold Schwarzenegger, that 1977 quote suddenly appears in a different light.

2003-10-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

Doonesbury has already printed a petition to recall Schwarzenegger from his new governor's post.

"Alarmed that a tiny fraction of California voters might replace a twice-elected governor with an inexperienced, uninformed ego-monkey?

"Then act now to minimize the coming chaos and avoid further embarrassment to your state!"

Er, I think it's "For Entertainment Purposes Only." I heard there's a 90-day grace period for any new governor -- and that all signatures need a witness.

2003-10-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

My favorite Recall candidate is 26-year-old Georgy Russell.

Sunday she was hit and kicked by Arnold Schwarzenegger supporters.

"Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver witnessed the attack and neither said or did anything to stop the abuse," Georgy writes.

A concerned witness at the Schwarzenegger rally later emailed Georgy's web site -- asking "was that woman OK? Did she get hurt at all?"

2003-10-05T22:46:00.000-07:00

"I'm running for Governor to protest the recall."
"I'm running...in the tradition of American political satire."

Let's enjoy the sound-and-pictures of California's recall candidates on the L.A. Times site -- one last time.

"I am running for governor to oppose the recall. I am totally unqualified and a tad corrupt."
"If two people representing Butt Monkey beer can get on the ballot for the governor of the fifth-largest economy in the world, there is something wrong with the system."

But don't be too grouchy. There's something uniquely Californian in the "self-actualizing" candidacies...

"I started by making an autobiographical film about running for governor. And by the end of obtaining my signatures and handing in my $3,500, I decided I really wanted to run...."

The quoted candidates above are, in order...

Eric Korevaar
Trek Thunder Kelley
Robert Cullenbine
Scott Mednick
Abner Zurd

2003-10-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

Arnold Schwarzenegger plays guitar while Twisted Sister singer Dee Snider sings the campaign anthem, "We're not gonna take it anymore."